Munchkin was a surprise to us (due early June 2010). We wanted to have kids, but Boyo and I thought that it would most likely be in at least a couple more years time. So we kind of had our heads on one timeline, but God was working on another!
In the early days of Munchkin’s pregnancy I spent a LOT of time worrying. I worried so, so much about how work/study/baby would all fit together. I worried about where we would live. We were living in my parent’s basement – a really nice 2 room area which does have enough room for a baby but the sleep requirements for both us and my parents would be rather difficult due to living under a very creaky, un-fixable kitchen floor and the nightly traipsing up and down the stairs to the bathroom. I was worried about how we would afford to live. Would Munchkin be clothed and fed and be okay? Since moving back to New Zealand in May 2009, Boyo had been unable to find work in his industry. He works part time in the evenings at a local supermarket, and we rely quite heavily on the Student Allowance. I worried then about whether I would manage full time study (no allowance otherwise), and how that might affect my baby and other relationships. And I worried about whether I will be an okay parent.
You get the general idea. I was worrying way too much. Which I must admit is a state I fall into far too often. Liking to have everything planned out by nature, it is one area of my personality that always seems to sneak in and bite me when I’m not looking.
I’m not so worried now. That’s not to say that I don’t worry – I have my moments for sure. These I have noticed are generally at night, and most often when I am really, really, really tired. I usually have a bit of a meltdown, moan and complain that it is all too much, and generally feel rather sorry for myself. I have a good cry, talk lots and lots to God about how I feel (I’m glad He’s so accepting!) and more often than not feel perfectly fine again in the morning. But these are much more isolated incidents than the nagging, almost constant worry I felt in the first trimester.
So what changed all of this? Well, other than simply having had more time to get used to the idea that there’s a baby on the way, I realised something. I realised that I did not really need to worry much about my baby.
I was reading (in a World Vision magazine I think) about what mother’s in other, less prosperous countries go through…the heartbreaking decisions they face, and the day to day realities of a life of barely surviving.
And I realised, my baby will always have something to eat. It will always have something to wear. As a New Zealander, we have access to government benefits if we can’t get work, and a pension when we are 65. While it is very easy to look on these as paltry and not nearly enough, most people in the world would only dream of such a luxury. On top of that, we have access to free primary healthcare. If we are sick and turn up at a hospital, we will be served. Munchkin will also have access to free education, from 3 years old right up to 18 and access to heavily subsidized University Education too (most Kiwis don’t seem to realise it costs more like $20,000 a year for a University Education than the $5,000 we actually pay ourselves). Our baby will have clean drinking water (unsafe drinking water is the number 1 killer in the world) and free immunizations against major diseases. If anything were to happen to Boyo or I, we have parents and siblings who would care for Munchkin and even if they couldn’t, New Zealand has foster care and adoption programmes – so our baby will never have to sleep on the streets, beg for food, or be sold into slavery.
So really, I ended up concluding that I was worrying about nothing!
We might still want to find somewhere better to live, higher income and better work hours. But at the end of the day, we are doing just fine. And I’m sure these other things will work out if I just give them enough time. :o)