Set Backs

You know that saying, the one where people claim that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade?
A great saying, really.  It encourages us to look beyond the 'problem' and find a silver lining somewhere.

But what about those times where there doesn't seem to be any lemonade?  There's just nothing you can think of to 'make' out of the thing you didn't want?

I've been working on my back since about August last year.  A story all in itself (only a snippet of which is here).  It's a LONG process.  It's a PAINFUL process.  It has taken a toll physically, emotionally, and more.  I've had to give up other things (like walks) in order to spend 30minutes doing exercises that make me shake, sweat, and all but burn up every 2-3 days.  It is not pretty, and it is not easy.  It has required dogged determination.

Determination which has, as is usual in life, ebbed and flowed.

Then there are the setbacks.  Just when I thought we were starting to make some small progress, I injured my back again.  Pushing a supermarket trolley.  That tells you what my back has been like.

Got extra physio and back on track.

By the end of January, I was managing 3 weeks between physio sessions but running out of ACC funding (again - can't extend it further without ruining my back again, something I have NO intention of doing!).  I felt good.  I could walk again without it feeling like a completely foreign, painful, laborious experience.  I was no longer in constant pain.  I could sleep for more than 7 hours without being woken by a seized back.  My butt and thigh muscles were not screaming at me too much from all my strengthening exercises.

Seven months of rehabilitation before I started to feel like it was REALLY TRULY WORTH IT.

Then what did I do a few weeks ago?

I pulled a muscle.

DOING MY BACK EXERCISES!

I just overextended and pulled what I think is a pec (top of the chest).  Let's just say it was painful.  Hug a pillow and have trouble sleeping at night painful.  Wanting to scream at son when he bumped me trying to have a hug painful.  My physio is very sympathetic.  She says it would have to be her least favourite injury area, having experienced it herself.

NOT what I had in mind about now.  I was heading for 4 weeks between physio.  Instead I've had tof fill in another ACC claim.  Duh.

Two weeks later, of doing no back exercises and very little else, I am finally starting to feel okay again.

But I can't see any lemonade.

The things you do when you're desperate...the special tape I wore for several weeks to help change my posture.  Loved my tape!

Just the fact that when I did my back exercises for the first time again tonight, I could only do half.  And even those were pretty paltry.  My back feels sore, because my poster has been wonky while trying to favour and protect my sore front! 

But what do you do?
Moan (which I am!)?
Give up (so not happening, although I've thought it a few times)?
Pick yourself up and carry on (you betcha)?

So it's a set back.  Life is full of them.  If I spend all my time worrying about the fact I didn't get to the mark I had set in my head, I will go insane.  Or give up on life completely.  Instead, I just have to go to plan B.  Set a new goal.  Like, maybe in the next 1-2 weeks I can get back to the level of exercises I was doing before hurting myself.  Like, DON'T overextend again, Amy!

At least I'm not right back where I started this time.  Even though sometimes it feels like it.

Oh, and I have a new goal.  I want the posture of a dancer!

Amy