Cancelled

As of Sunday, I have cancelled my social life.

Just thought I should let you know.  In case you want to, you know, socialise this year.

For social little me, this is a big step.  A giant decision in fact.  A life-altering state.  Or at least that's how it feels.  In reality, nothing much has changed.  I had a limited social life last year while studying.  Mostly it consisted of regular contact with one friend, and very sporadic contact with a few others.  This year, things aren't really any different.  There's just less available time.  To the point I'm finding it hard to reply to text messages and am forgetting things in my diary.  Oh dear.

The issue?

I have three assignments due in the next five weeks.  I started the first one yesterday.  It's not that I didn't want to start it earlier.  But I was working on my first (rather large) assignment over the past few weeks.  Handed that in earlier this week and my brain promptly turned to mush, and disappeared.  I have this picture of myself, chasing my brain down the road, screaming madly, "Come back!  Come back!  I still need you!  You can't just leave me like this!"

Yeah.  It's rather interesting going from complete overloaded adrenaline pumping "must-finish-this-assignment-or-else" to "I-just-can't-think-or-move" in the matter of a few hours.

Yesterday I finally found what was left of my tired brain, picked myself up, and started on my next assignment.

I have realised over the past week or so that I have an issue of poor mental expectations.  I am currently a full-time student, with a part-time mindset.  Not a helpful combination.  I've been a part-time student so long that I'm really good at juggling between study, small boy, husband, household, friends, etc, etc, etc.  But that isn't working this year.  I really do have to spend most of my evenings studying.  I really can't find any more than a 1hour slot during the week to see a friend.  I'm finding that a bit hard to get used to, as I've just spent the past four years able to socialise during the day with friends who (like me) have small children.  Now I really can't. I can make the odd (i.e. once every few weeks) exception, for an hour, but have to have organised dinner and various other things first in order to fit it in.  And really, who else wants to socialise at 4:15pm on a Monday afternoon??

My wonderful husband is reminding me that I've only got this year and next year left.  Then I am finished.  And it will be worth it (we sincerely hope so!).  He's also doing all the housework, plus a list of 'extras' each week.  Including some gardening (shock!  Boyo usually avoids gardening as if it were diseased).  He's set up our emergency water (that has been waiting to be done since we moved here nearly a year ago!), he's made a card with Munchkin for an upcoming birthday, he's trying to get our printer's yellow ink running again (a marathon effort), and generally doing lots of things I would normally do. Seriously awesome!  But unfortunately I can't socialise vicariously through him.  I just have to allow my world to constrict to study, home, and pretty much not anything more at present.  I'm learning to be okay with that.  Honestly, I'm too busy to moan much about it.  I just feel a little sad that the relationships I currently have are in all likelihood not going to deepen this year and that some might in fact dwindle completely.  I do hope my friends hang around, and prove me wrong, and actually take the time to seek me out.  But I'm not expecting too much.  I know how it works. 

It is 7:10am on Saturday morning.  My son should be awake which means breakfast, getting dressed, trying to be quiet as Boyo worked all night.  It means we will try to see our friends and watch some bagpipes play downtown, before we do various errands.  I suspect I will not get time to buy a bigger pot for my poor daphne plant.  I hope I remember to ask my mum if she has any elastic that would work on some shoes I've been given.  I have some fish stock to make.  And the garden probably needs yet another water, but will most likely have to wait until tomorrow.

I'll be back.  Sometime.  Probably when I feel like moaning about my lack of social life!  Hehe.

Amy