I was out at lifegroup tonight. Half an hour ago in fact, hot water bottle on my feet, enjoying the company of friends as we talk and walk through life together. I missed last one due to illness and being on teaching placement, so was really pleased to make it this time...but sadly, my delight was short lived.
I was jolted from my warm fuzzy state by my phone. Boyo, apparently. But there was no Boyo on the other end of the line, just screaming baby. "Do you want me to come home?" I asked. Scream, scream, cry, wail, and scream. "Okay, I'm coming now." Paused. More screaming. Hung up. Told friends, "Crying baby." Ah, ya think?! They'd all heard. I guess he was kind of loud. Gathered my things, said a quick farewell, got out the door and ran. In the car, whizzed home (speed limits, Amy, speed limits!). Good thing we are only a few minutes drive. By the time I got here the screaming had lessened to intermitent sobs, but the boy was still refusing to lie down and sleep. There they were, Munchkin and Daddy, sitting in the semi-darkness of the bedroom, cuddling on the bed. "Mummy's here, it's okay, Mummy's here." Little arms get wrapped around my neck, legs around my waist. Sobs turns to sighs as he sinks into me. Boyo's comment, "How come you can get him to settle so quickly?" Well, I think Boyo had done most of the hard work, to be honest. He got the boy from screaming pitch to nearly done crying. I just finished off.
But it's made me think. What is it about a Mummy cuddle? Why does my boy need me, what's wrong with Daddy? Nothing! Munchkin has a FABULOUS Dad. He has a Dad who knows him really well and can get giggles when no one else can. But for some reason or other (and nights like tonight, probably several!), when Munchkin is sick, only Mummy will do. When Munchkin is really, truly upset, only Mummy will do. I'd like to say it strokes my ego just a little. And that would be true. It is nice to feel needed and wanted from time to time. But when it's only when he's unhappy, well sometimes that can be a tough one to handle. I remember being so glad, so grateful when Munchkin finally said "Mummy" with delight and joy. How pleased I was when I stopped getting called "Daddy" instead, and no longer had "mum-mum-mum" only when he was upset, tired, hungry, or just plain grumpy!
There's something about a mother's hug, a mother's love that is somehow MEANT to soothe all worries and calm all thoughts, don't you think? Perhaps it's something to do with newborns being held more by their mums, about babies being fed (but then my son wasn't breastfed, and his daddy fed him once a day so it's not like I had the exclusive feeding rights there!). Ah, I just don't get it. I may as well admit it. I've been trying to figure it out for the last three years...and before that I was trying to figure it out too. Why do I want my mum when I'm sick or miserable? I'm a grown woman, and yet I find myself saying one of two things. Either, "I want to go home," or "I want my mummy." Neither of which necessarily make much sense...where is home, after all? Usually I'm sitting on my bathroom floor looking at it when I think that!
My son is now sound asleep again. Not sure what caused the tears, but we are very grateful they are over. He consented to lying down in his bed if I lay down too. Okay. I can do that. I think I was there about three minutes before he was sound asleep again (after we'd had cuddles, pamol, etc of course - wondering if he has a sore throat). I don't mind that I was called home. I think Boyo made the right call. He did what he could and did a pretty amazing job of it, but sometimes you just need Mummy. It's been a rough couple of months and I know that my boy really is just desperate for some Mummy time and attention. I'm hoping to give him some soon. Two more days of placement that we've all got to get through. I wish we could just whisk away on holiday straight after, but sadly I've then got an assignment then an exam! But I will at least retrieve two whole days a week to spend with my tired, grumpy, not-enough-mummy-love boy!
So, in the interests of curiosity, do you still want your mummy from time to time? What triggers it, why and when do you want her? Advice, a listening ear, someone to say it will be alright, someone to say there-there-hush-hush and pat your back while you shed a few tears, someone to tell you that you're actually doing okay and they are proud of you? All of the above? That's me!