Weight Whine

Please bear with me a few moments. I feel a whine coming on.
Why is it that people think that because I am small, I must therefore be in great shape? I had someone comment recently that I've 'regained my figure well after having a baby' or something to that extent. Nope. I am still 9kgs overweight. My thighs touch. I have fat rolls round my tummy. I can't get my engagement ring back on, because my finger is too fat! I can't fit any of my pre-Munchkin clothes! Especially not my trousers. Or anything tight around my midrift. There are 4 containers of clothes that I don't want to get rid of, but can't fit this year. I had to buy more trousers. I'm just wearing my larger tops and trying to pretend I don't realise that they are too tight. And I'm still wearing my maternity clothes...at least the ones that are warm enough for winter.

It just irritates me so much that people assume I don't need to lose weight. I've been feeling like I couldn't share my over-weightness with anyone, because they just laugh it off or compare to someone who looks obviously overweight...either way I feel a bit belittled. As if I shouldn't feel blah about my body. Which I obviously do.

Let me explain. I am 160cm tall (5foot3inches). I inherited very fine bone structure. My optimal weight (which I have weighed for the past 8 years or so) is 45kg. I know, I know, that is skinny as...but seriously, I have a tiny body so while I can carry extra weight and no-one but myself and maybe my husband and mother would notice the difference, that doesn't mean it is healthy!!!

Considering I gained 20kg over pregnancy (that's a 45% increase in body mass, by the way - no wonder I felt and looked like a beached whale!), I'm not doing too bad. I only have 9 left to lose...11kg disappeared without any effort on my part in the week or so following Munchkin's birth. Fluid. Tons of it!

9kgs doesn't really sound like all that much. The issue here is that it is still 20% extra on my bodymass. Now, if someone of say 80kg suddenly put on an extra 16kg, you'd probably notice the difference. And you'd probably say that they could do with losing some weight and getting fit. Well, that's what I've put on, percentage wise. You just can't tell because I am somewhat smaller than average normally. So, I can probably get away with staying this size without anyone, other than my mum, caring. Boyo is very accepting. Mum and I are after health. You see, the issue is what 20% extra being carried around might do to my body in the long run. Surely it can't be healthy for me?!? I mean, all that extra weight requires feeding, and carrying, and pumping blood to. Which takes effort, which my body could probably use elsewhere in things like fighting disease and illness, and running efficiently to get me from point A to B each day. So while I feel like a blob, because I am a bit overweight, and am motivated to lose some because of that, my bigger issue is that I want to live a long and healthy life, and carryign 20% more weight that I used to is so not going to help with that. Maybe an extra 3-4kg over what I used to weigh might be alright...keep a bit of fat in reserves, as I never used to have any. But the rest needs to go.

So there you go. I have finished griping. So what am I doing to change things?
At present, I am just keeping myself moving while Munchkin is little and study is so demanding. Boyo and I go for a walk nearly every day, which I totally love. Not being able to go walking was one of the things in late pregnancy that totally sucked. I want to get back to a once-a-week swim (I swam twice a week in late pregnancy and quite enjoyed it), but will probably start that once the madness of assignments is over in late September. Instead, I'm starting to do a short pilates routine at home...much more convenient as it can be done in 10mins while Munchkin plays on the floor, rather than having to organise a time to get out of the house. Our diet is pretty shot - combination of tiredness and busyness with a new baby, and Boyo's odd evening work hours. So I'm hoping to slowly make improvements on that. Currently I'm working on increasing the leafy greens content of what I eat.

Anyway, just thought I'd put it out there that you can't judge a 'book by it's cover' or rather someone's size by what you see. ;op We all have our little, or not-so-little, issues to work through, regardless of what you might see on the surface.

Amy