Stressed

My stress levels have been creeping up of late. Okay, that’s an outright lie. Skyrocketing. There’s a ball in my stomach. I wondered if writing about it might help me clarify just what is going on…there seems to be a myriad of things ‘going on’ in my life at present and I’m not sure what is contributing the most to how stressed I feel. Which makes it hard knowing what I might be able to do about it.

Study. Well, how am I meant to manage this horrendous workload? I have classmates, doing a 50% load like me, studying 35+ hours a week. Imagine doing full-time! Oh, that’s right. I don’t have to imagine. I did it last year. Certainly don’t want to repeat it. I have about, hmmm, 20 hours to study each week. Maybe. At a stretch. If everything goes right, I’m really disciplined, get up early and don’t have any naps during the day. There’s the literature review for one paper. When am I meant to read those, let alone write a report on them? And the electronic game and pop-up book in the other paper. Tried getting articles for reference material today through online databases. Do you think I can get the darn thing to download articles!!!???? Have to call Massey Library on Monday. Was meant to have finished writing that part by the end of today! Grrr. Wasted ages. Don’t have ages to waste. And how on earth would I know how to make an electronic game??! Let alone one that has meaningful links to Social Studies. Ahhhhhh. I am sure I can come up with something, it is just a matter of whether I can come up with it before the due date! Brain space is at a premium here, people.

Teething. I hate teething. And I REALLY hate teething when there are NO TEETH to show for it! Two terrible, terrible nights this week (read: Munchkin and Mummy spent several hours on the couch or in the chair, Mummy still has a funny throat from the last time we were both got sick a month ago, and it is getting worse again due to the lack of sleep! Mummy had to postpone early morning study for two mornings as her eyes just wouldn’t stay open…so now she is behind…just two days, that’s all it takes!). And after two terrible nights? Still no tooth. It still sits there, just under the surface, as it has done for the past several months. Ugh.

The inevitable, never ending pile of washing and dishes. It is ironic, here I am going out and cleaning other people’s houses to spotless perfection. Dust is not allowed. Sinks are spotless and shiny clean. And my house? My handbasin is quietly growing mould. I am not joking. I would photograph it, but it is such an embarrassment. It is only a 10 minute job, I know, but I haven’t got there yet. Maybe Munchkin can help?!?

People at church have been asking for my help. Well meaning, lovely friends. I have to keep saying no. Finally, we are part of a group of people who actually want our involvement, ask for it even, and I feel like I’m saying “no” left, right, and centre. Stressful. On a positive note, at least I have learnt how to say “no.” But it is still hard not to feel like I’m letting them down, and harder still when it is something I could really enjoy being involved in. But I’ve squeezed in more than I should have already. Live Below the Line in particular. Yup, that’s a bit stressful…mostly when I think about what I will be eating and whether I will still be needing to work on these huge assignments. The thing is, even knowing how busy I am now, I wouldn’t go back and decide not to do it. I’ve been passionate about helping the destitute poor for like, forever. And if I keep delaying action until I have lots of time, or energy, or money, well it just won’t ever happen. I decided that I need to do something. Now. No excuses. “They” say that we make time for the things that are important to us. Either that or we just amble through life stuck in silly habits that don’t build on what is important. So I have decided to make time. Of course the reality is much harder than I realised.

Trying to get hold of people. There are a significant few people in my life who I consider important, special people, that I’ve lately been having trouble getting hold of, let alone having a decent conversation with. Now, I know they are all busy. They are all dealing with their own curve balls in this game called life. I know that. But seriously, it’s not like I have all the time in the world to be chasing round after people. Frustrating.

Isolated. That’s how I felt this afternoon. The day was wet and windy. Not a good combination. Our proposed walk to my parent’s (to collect the jeans they were kindly drying/shrinking in their drier) was postponed. No car today, Boyo is at work. So Munchkin and I were inside for the afternoon.

Fortunately, my day didn’t end there. We got out for a short walk with the backpack. Didn’t get rained on either. Score! Then my mum dropped off my jeans and stayed to chat for a few minutes. Bliss. Thanks Mum!!!

So I’m stressed. Who isn’t?! But then does the average stressed person just want to retreat to their kitchen, bake up a chocolate storm, and eat the ENTIRE lot ALL BY HERSELF? Not sharing ANY?! Hmm. Perhaps I need help. Grin. Well, I do at least feel a little more even-keel simply by stopping and thinking about WHY I feel stressed. Even though I haven’t been able to DO anything about it, at least I can look here and think, “Well, you can expect to be finding life a bit busy just now. But it won’t stay this way. The assignments have due dates. The Challenge will finish. People will get back in touch. Teeth might even appear!” Anyone fancy some fudge, or chocolate, or pudding of any sort?! My shout. You just have to get here and be prepared to sit and talk. Oh, and could you do an assignment or two while you visit? I wish.  Sigh.

Amy