There is no doubt my stress levels are way too high. But in all honestly, I love my life. My miracle life, that’s what it is. My miracle baby. Studying, that’s another miracle. Having spent four years living with chronic fatigue, the very fact that I have a child is a miracle. That I have studied while pregnant and with a baby is definitely miraculous. I just shouldn’t have been able to. If someone told me even two years ago that this would be my life, I probably would have laughed in derision. Yeah, right, whatever. The girl who frequently got ‘lost’ somewhere in a sentence, and couldn’t string a few words together properly? Study? Do a DEGREE? A busy, high energy, demanding, teaching degree? Sure. In my dreams maybe.
Have a baby? My heart’s desire. But I also feared whether I could carry a baby. I’d had an early miscarriage, and that experience was gut-wrenchingly destroying. Both the being pregnant (mind fog, exhaustion, how on earth would I have coped with a full pregnancy?!?), and then losing our baby. God had reassured me that he would give me one. I just never thought it would be NOW. In the middle of a degree. And that I’d have to keep on studying, and find myself able to do it physically, emotionally, mentally. But I have. It’s a miracle. A miracle I try to remind myself of when the workload gets too much, the baby too cranky and life feels overwhelming.
I love my life. I am fulfilling two major dreams: to have a child, and to have a career.
I love where we live. God told me he was ‘preparing a city for us’ in the year between when we felt to come back to NZ from Australia and when we actually moved. And he has. Our church is just right for us. Our unit came available at just the right time. It’s ideal. Walkway just out the door. Shops 15minutes up the road (walking!). My parents 20minutes walk away. Somewhere to dry washing! Affordable (a huge blessing!).
I love being able to walk places, to not need the car. Many of my friends live near me, and I’m trying to get out with the stroller and visit more.
I love our quiet, peaceful neighbourhood.
I love the wildlife. Tuis come and visit, our back neighbour has chooks.
I love the life this offers my son. I love that he gets to bond with his daddy, that they see each other often and we eat dinner together. I love Munchy helping me with the shopping and the washing and the wormfarm. I love that he gets to see his grandparents regularly (Boyo’s parents are only an hour’s drive away).
Even though life has not turned out at all how I imagined or hoped it would, somehow it still has managed to end up with elements of my heart’s desires within it:
Connectedness, involvement, and belonging with our local church
Activation of my passion to alleviate extreme poverty
An amazing son
The ability to study, and work towards a career I am really passionate and excited about
Improving connection and relationship with Boyo
Being able to be outside, to go for relaxing and soul-restoring walks on a daily basis
|The blossoms along our walkway!|
|One of Munchkin's early gardening forays! He did enjoy it, despite the serious expression.|
A lighter study load?
A home of our own (so my chookies could live here instead of at my parents)
A bath (I so miss my Friday soak-the-week-away baths!)
That’s about it. There is so much to be grateful for in my life just as it is. And the things that we don’t have (like a home of our own, and that bath), well, I feel like they will come, and I can wait.
I Love My Life.
Linking in with Paisley Jade's "Things I'm Loving"!